"I drink therefore I am." ~ W.C. Fields

"I am not a heavy drinker." I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop. ~Noel Coward

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they are going to feel all day." ~Frank Sinatra

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat." ~Alex Levine

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth." ~ George Burns
“They took the bar! The whole f#^*king bar!” ~Bluto, Animal House

“Some men like beer, advertisers have to cater to what we want…and hold on to your corn cob pipe, we like pretty women. That’s why pretty women sell good things and ugly women sell…tennis rackets. Pretty women cars…ugly women mini vans. Pretty women make us buy beer and ugly women MAKE US DRINK IT!” ~Al Bundy, Married with Children.

“You can always retake a class, but you can never relive a party!” ~ Drew Naviks

“An Alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his doctor.” ~Alvan L. Barach

“What whiskey will not cure there is no cure for”. ~Irish Proverb

“The road to excess leads to the road of wisdom.” ~ William Blake

"My dad was the town drunk and most of the time that’s not so bad...but, New York City?" ~ Henny Youngman

"Mr Churchill, you are drunk!" Braddock said harshly.
Churchill paused and said, "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning." ~ Sir Winston Churchill

During a television debate against incumbent U.S. Senator Fritz Hollings in 1986, Republican candidate Henry McMaster challenged his opponent to take a drug test.
“I’ll take a drug test,” Hollings responded, “if you’ll take an IQ test.” ~Senator Fritz Hollings

Playwright George Bernard Shaw invited Winston Churchill to the first night of his newest play, enclosing two tickets: “One for yourself and one for a friend – if you have one.”
Churchill wrote back, saying he couldn’t make it, but could he have tickets for the second night – “if there is one.” ~ Sir Winston Churchill